August 28, 2005
Auld Lang Syne
Friends have played a very important role in my life because they have often acted as a family. For single people especially, friends are form of family. But over the tough times of this transition, I have sometimes gone into a shell when I felt depressed and frustrated. That made it hard to reach out and communicate with anyone. I have several friends living very far away, as in out of the country. I kept in contact for a while, but it has been so long since I’ve sent them an e-mail. I feel bad, which makes me less likely to start writing to them. A vicious cycle begins. I miss them. I am sorry about neglecting them. Of course they are free to write me at any time and haven’t done so. It is somewhat mutual, the neglect. I have lost track of who technically owes the next e-mail. Does it matter? Philosophically I understand that people go in and out of each other’s lives and very few friendships can last a lifetime. But the cost of that reality is sometimes painful. I find myself developing new friendships and enlarging my community. That is good and exciting. Then I find myself thinking that I could or should be spending that time or energy reaching out to dear people from the past. Of course, it doesn’t have to be either or. There isn't a black and white choice here. I can embrace new friends and do my best to keep in touch with and honor old friendships. That is naturally what people do. “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold” as the old lyrics say. Why am I feeling so nostalgic and guilty recently? I need to just write to them, regardless of my guilt or angst. I made a list of them a couple of weeks ago. There are about eight people on that list that I haven't brought myself to write to yet. That is about 2/3 of the total list. Not all of them are overseas.