Uncertainty

Don’t know why, perhaps because I’m waiting to see what news comes on Monday and I haven’t been able to make contact with the person from the other community college, I’ve been in a little bit of a funk. I meant to get the thank you card for the Wednesday interview out right away. I didn’t do it until this morning. I thought about sending an e-mail card, since he said that e-mail is the best way to contact him and it would be really fast. But that seemed really cheesy, so I didn’t. But why on earth did it take me so long to get that card out. It’s too late, but he’ll get it eventually. I’m glad for that. It’s polite.

I also did something really silly. I went to eHarmony and started another profile. I haven’t joined and I still might not. For one thing, I don’t have the money and I’m not sure what my next job will be yet. I just wanted to. I checked the site to see if there was another question and answer in the advice section. It hasn’t been updated in a couple of months. They don’t update that section regularly. I like to read it, though. I got 5 matches when I ran the search engine. Within 15 minutes, one of them had already put me on hold. 3 of them closed on me by this morning. One left. A super athletic military man. I don’t want to continue to be nomadic, moving all over the place. The whole reason I came home again was so I could settle in, put down real roots and stay. I am beginning to remember why I felt like I couldn’t continue and closed my account. No, this was better. Most of the time I would send a message to try and start communication and they would ignore me, not even bothering to close and give any reason. You can choose a reason that the person can read when you close. Things like "I am pursuing another relationship.", "I am not ready to take the next step", "there is too much going on in my life right now". But most of them would just ignore me and I’d wait a certain amount of time and then I’d close and give the reason, "this match never responded to my request to communicate". I found that very rude. At least have the courage to close the match when you know you are not interested. It’s shows respect. We all deserve it. I just closed my match with the soldier. I can’t communicate with anyone unless I really become a member, anyway. Maybe I’ll have it take me out of the search pool (they will do one automatic search for you every day) until I really decide whether to join or to close my account again.

A Plethora of Possibilities!

Today was the community college interview. Lots of other things have been happening, too. While I was at work yesterday morning another community college called and wanted me to make an interview appointment. I was stunned. I have tried to return the call, but have only been able to get voice mail. I left a message yesterday and have tried to call today. After I came home today and finished lunch, a woman at my church called me about a community organization that she teaches for. They are looking for a part-time teacher. OK, God, I guess you must be doing something. I’m totally amazed at the embarrassment of riches. Well, OK, possible riches. But this has just not been the way things have gone at all in my job search since September '03.

The interview went fairly well, although I was a bit of a nervous wreck before I left the house. I called a good friend and we prayed together over the phone. That made all the difference. I was finally ready to go. Two people interviewed me together. They were friendly and pleasant which was helpful. One question stumped me, and I should have an answer prepared for it. "What do you most need to improve on in your teaching?" I haven’t been in the classroom in almost a year, so I haven’t been exercising those skills or reflecting on any recent experiences. I just couldn’t think of an answer. I was silent and thinking for 30 seconds or so, which felt like 10 minutes. The other questions went much better. I have given up trying to guess what the result will be. Past experience has shown that it can go either way no matter how I feel it went. I’m leaving it in God’s hands and not agonizing and analyzing. They said that they want to have the final decision on Monday, so it shouldn’t drag on.

Back to my present job, the floor set was busy but it wasn’t hard. They gave the new people simple jobs. I folded polo shirts for about 3 hours. Well, I did hang a few shirts that had been previously folded. That was only about 10 shirts, though. The rest of the time I folded, and folded and folded. I’m really glad I didn’t have to stay till midnight; that’s how long most everyone was staying. I told them that I couldn’t stay that late because I had a job interview today and I had to be alert and well prepared. I finished at 9:40 PM and was asleep by midnight.

Monday, Monday

Wow, I’ve been busy. Today, out of the blue, a community college that I’d applied to called me. They wanted to set up an interview for next semester to teach in their ESL program. I’ll go there on Wednesday. I was so nervous and kind of frustrated when they called. Such a strange reaction when I should be glad and excited. I was disappointed because the school is a little bit far away and I’m not sure how the commute would be. I also was really nervous. The last school interviews that I’ve had haven’t had good results. I know in the end, I have nothing to loose. God is with me and He has a plan. This will either open up a new door for work or I’ll get good interview practice and be prepared to shine and get an even better job when I interview in the future. I guess it is just a basic fear of rejection. I hoped I would be in a reliable teaching job by now, and it hasn’t happened. I have had lots of ignored applications and unsuccessful interviews. It wears on your confidence, bit by bit. But my confidence should not be in myself. I am not building a life on my own strength for my own glory. God lives in me and He is helping me, even when I can’t see or feel it. God gives me strength and ability to do what he wants me to do.

I also got a call from Lane Bryant and they are going to be setting the store (totally reorganizing and putting a whole lot of new stuff out) tomorrow. My supervisor asked me if I’d be available to work in the evening on the store set as well as the morning hours I was already scheduled for. I said yes. With all these last minute things adding up this week, I spent the day organizing myself. I did laundry, went to the bank, mailed a bill, and took back and overdue library book (oops, thought that I had more time on that one). It feels good to have all those little things done that I need to be prepared for the week. I even cleaned out my purse and put every work shift and appointment in my calendar that had been written on scraps of paper and stuffed into my purse.

I didn’t do well on my bible study this week. I ended up doing 2/3 of it today. It took a long time and I don’t like doing it that way. It’s like cramming for an exam. But it was great because after that I wasn’t nervous anymore about the interview. My mind was focussed on God and how faithful He is to all of His promises.