May 25, 2005

Starting Over

Well, it looks like I did abandon my online journal. I didn’t intend to and now I’m back. I have been working one part-time job. It looks like that will be finished in two weeks. There has not been good attendance at the class (usually 2-3 students) and the administration decided not to continue the class during the summer. That means that whatever momentum and involvement there is now will be lost. Starting in the fall will be like beginning from scratch. I don’t think they have the commitment to this program to do that (marketing, recruiting, promoting). The supervision switched from the main campus of the college to a closer but smaller satellite campus. They have been a little overwhelmed trying to deal with this class (testing, support for registration and whatnot). I like my supervisor a lot but she really seems overworked and overwhelmed. She has told me to look for another job and most likely there will not be a Fall session at the elementary school site. I’m sad but also a little relieved. The dwindling class has been a bit discouraging and it has been hard for me to keep motivated. Last night was great, though. There were 4 students. That was a record attendance in the last three weeks. Pretty sad, huh. I have been seriously thinking about leaving teaching and starting something else. Library is one idea that I have thought about and even discussed in this journal. I also would really like to talk to a professional career counselor, someone who has reliable information resources and knowledge about what kind of possibilities are out there. I really just want a full time job that is reliable and provides medical benefits. I know that job security is an illusion these days. I’m not looking for 25 years and a gold watch guarantee. But there must be something more secure than adult education where everything is dependant on a grant and up and down student enrollment. Something that at least is going to be secure for a couple of years. Perhaps that’s too much to ask, but I don’t think so. At least this class is going to finish well. I’ve already talked to them about organizing a party for the last day of class. Everyone can bring some food and we’ll enjoy a good celebration. They were excited about it. I would like to invite some of the students who are not attending anymore but who came for a long time. I think it would be great if a few of them would come.

I have been thinking a lot about this but haven’t done anything about it. I really should call the college HR department and see what kind of counseling I can get while I’m still an employee. I should also look into what jobs may be available in the college’s library. I haven’t acted on that yet, though. My supervisor did give me a couple of names of library staff to talk to. Yes, I am really good at avoidance when I’m starting something new and embarking on an activity that I dislike. I really do hate looking for a job. I need to change that attitude though. It is exciting, an adventure. New ideas and new opportunities await.

So, what have I been doing with myself? Watching too much TV, occasionally feeling sorry for myself, enjoying my computer, reading. I discovered a new TV show that I like. It’s called Starting Over. There is a group of women living in a house and each one of them has something to overcome. One woman is trying to repair broken relationships in her life, another is seeking to find her own identity apart from her famous sister (Tony Braxton). Each woman has a goal or a challenge to face and they live together as they work with life coaches and a consulting psychiatrist. Together they learn to heal and face their fears as they transform their lives.

I purchased a laptop about a little over a month ago. I haven’t had my very own computer since I left Massachusetts and abandoned the PC that I purchased when I went back to school for my Masters degree. I used it for 5 years and I discovered the Internet on that computer. My new computer is a notebook and I love it. I’ve never used a notebook computer before. I like the portable size and flexibility of it. I don’t have one of the small 12-13 inch ones. Those are just too cramped and uncomfortable. Not to mention that the screen is so small and annoying to read. I think the tiny ones are great for traveling and when you really take it everywhere. This is a widescreen (15.4 inch) and the keyboard is comfortable for everyday use. I can also watch DVD’s on it, which is great. I can now watch any of my DVD’s upstairs in my bedroom no matter who is watching the big TV downstairs that the DVD player is attached to. I started a journal on my new computer and perhaps I will post some of those entries. I must honestly admit that I am a little hesitant to do that because they are a little raw and revealing. Some of them I wrote as prayers and I doubt that I’ll put them up on the Internet. Yes, I do have my limits and boundaries.

Fun highlights:

I went to the Seattle Opera with my Mom on Mother’s Day and saw Tales of Hoffman. What a fabulous treat that was. It was a marvelous production and wonderfully entertaining, especially the hilarious first act. I wonder if it is always so funny. They really played it for all the laughs. The three acts tell about the three doomed loves of Hoffman’s life. The first act tells how he fell in love with a robot. He was wearing special rose colored glasses at the time so he believed she was a living woman. (Don’t ask, it’s opera and it never makes sense.)

Last Saturday I went to Seattle and met an old college friend at the street fair in the U District. I hadn’t seen her since November. There were lots of arts and crafts, musicians, and yummy food booths. We listened to a fun blue grass/country/rock style band. I had a blackened salmon sandwich which was delicious. We had dinner later at a Greek restaurant called Costas. I bought a beautiful bracelet of carnelian, agate, and yellow jade with matching earrings.

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