Away for the Weekend

This week has been a whirlwind. I haven't gone to sleep yet, but shortly after I finish this post my head will be resting on a pillow. I've been up late finishing some things before I leave for the weekend. I leave before lunch today and will come back Sunday evening. It's a church thing. My aunt is also in town, but because of the job workshops and this weekend, I won't be able to see her this trip. She came on Monday and will stay through the weekend for her high school reunion. Not much to say right now. I'm exhausted and obviously I won't be able to post anything this weekend. I'll catch up on Monday, I promise. Since I joined BlogExplosion, several people have left kind comments. It really encourages me to keep writing and posting regularly. I appreciate those who have taken the time to leave a comment. Thank you very much.

Evaluating the Week

Let's see how I did on that list of things to do this week.

Pray every day as 1st priority.

1. Apply for unemployment

2. Search for job listings online.

3. Rework my resume in a functional style.

4. Think about creative ideas for job/career directions.

5. Exercise 5 days.

6. Apply for at least 3 jobs.

I’ve been praying each day (not always before I do other things) and making progress in Ezekiel. It is a very interesting book. Right now I’m still in the gloom and judgment part of it, but there is a ray of hope. God marked a remnant of faithful people to save from destruction. They were the ones who refused to bow down to the idols of the day and were saddened by the corruption and vice that they saw around them. How can that apply to myself in today’s culture? What idols am I personally tempted to bow to? (selfishness, money/success, overindulging physical appetites). You see, the Bible is absolutely relevant, even the Old Testament. (God, please help me to stay true to you.) Now some are offended at the very idea of judgment. Let me just say this. If you really read the Old Testament, God would give warnings to Israel and do everything he could to remind the people of what was right and what they needed to do before he handed down the punishment. It wasn’t capricious and He did not take pleasure in it. Jesus provided the ultimate answer to that cycle. God knew that none of us could fulfill the law perfectly. The purpose of the law is to open our eyes to see that we have done wrong and that we need God. He sent Jesus to take the punishment so that we could be reconciled with God by believing in Jesus and asking for forgiveness.

I did everything, except I’m short one day on exercise and didn't meet the minimum job applications. I could do a walking tape tonight after it has cooled off. I was thinking today, “Once I start working, how am I going to keep up with this journal, exercise, and everything else?” I’m so spoiled now, having plenty of time to do all these personal things and the down time to just let my mind wander. I’m the kind of person that needs to have some down time or space during the day to recharge and refresh myself. I’m spending hours looking at job listings, too, but at home at my own convenience and pace. OK, stop whining, Cheryl. We have a new saying in the house that a friend of my mother’s introduced a couple of weeks ago, “Put on your big girl panties, and deal with it”. Work is a part of life. Once I have a new job, I’ll be excited about it and glad to have somewhere to go and be productive.

I applied for only one job, not 3. The reason is that it’s hard to find job listings that fit me very well. That’s the trick of trying to go a new career direction- you don’t have prior experience in the job you want or all the qualifications that they are asking for. I’ve found technical writing jobs, but they are not entry level. Even office jobs want more software experience than I have. I don’t know how to use Access or Power Point. I’m still getting familiar with Excel. They also want experience in an office setting. I don’t think I want to be an executive assistant, anyway. The library jobs I’ve found require one or more years of experience and a degree or at least some training. Good thing that tomorrow I’ll be going to the WorkSource workshops on identifying skills and finding job/career fields that suit you well. That should provide some encouragement and hopefully I can get a few new ideas. I need new ideas.

Summer Heat

I exercised today! Instead of doing the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds tape, I actually walked outside. I went to a local park and walked 3 times around the perimeter. It is a very small park, so it was probably just a little over a mile. It took 25 minutes. Being outside was a nice change, but it was hot. We’ve been having gorgeous summer weather. After the walk I had a fruit juice popsicle (no sugar added). which cooled me off right away. Then for dinner I ate a huge portion of a family favorite, Chicken Picante Casserole. My brother-in-law teased my sister over the phone by telling her what we were eating for dinner tonight. I could practically hear her scream over the phone! Our family had this casserole it for the first time about 15 years ago, maybe longer. It’s a layered chicken enchilada sort of thing, except we no longer bother to layer it. We just tear up all the corn tortillas and mix up the chicken and everything else together in a giant bowl and then put it in a 9 X 13 pan to bake. It tastes just as good and is much less fuss than layering everything. It is a full fat recipe. We’ve tried to use low-fat cheese and substitute some other ingredients, but the flavor never stood up. I haven’t been making any effort to eat healthier. That is the next step and I’m not excited about it.

I now have the top I was salivating after yesterday, plus a great pair of grey pin-striped slacks! They didn’t have those at the other store. I promise, or I would have bought them at the first store because that is the store that I worked at over the holiday season last year. Now every time I go into that store I get to catch up with the women that I worked with. There was big news yesterday, one is engaged and another is pregnant. They gave me an application, too, and said that they’ll start hiring some seasonal help soon. Probably for back to school and then keep people on through Christmas. I took the application, but have no intention of turning it in because I really don’t like working retail. My coworkers were great, but it isn’t a job that I could support myself with. The only full time positions are management.

I found a couple of really interesting job listings today, though. One is as a student advisor. I could do that really well and I pray that I can get an interview.

A Day of Fun

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today and did some sale shopping at my favorite clothing store, Lane Bryant. Tried on almost half the store before I started finding things that I was happy with. For some reason everything was looking better on the hangers. I ended up with one pair of jeans, a light sweater, and pajamas. They have a lovely top that goes underneath the sweater, but they were all out in my size. I liked it so much that I asked them to call other stores to find my size. They found one at another mall about 30-40 minutes away. I will pick it up tomorrow. I wish I could show a picture. It is sort of a camisole top, but the straps are wider, more like a tank top except it is not a knit fabric. The color is sky blue and the sweater matches. The top has satiny fabric overlaid on the bust with some sheer, organza type fabric that crosses over. Didn't I tell you a picture would be better! The words make it seem lame, but I promise it is lovely. I didn't exercise today, but I can still fit in 5 days this week. Why the frivolous outing today? Because a friend had the day off of work and came over to visit. She lives a little over an hour away, so we don't get together often. We both thought that the movie was a lot of fun. Johny Depp was definitely quirky and creepy as Willy Wonka. I bet he was having a great time. I remember Kate Winslett saying in the DVD extra documentary that Johny would constantly goof around and entertain the boys on the set while they were making Finding Neverland. She described him as a great big kid. He is clearly very intelligent, but I can also see that he embraces a childlike sense of wonder and a delightful imagination in some of the roles that he choses and the freedom he has to abandon himself to very silly antics. Take Pirates of the Carribean for example, or Edward Scisorhands, another Tim Burton film. I think Depp and Burton have similar dark, silly and quirky humor. Oh, don't forget the glee with which Depp played the hopelessly inept and endlessly enthusuastic director of B movies, Ed Wood. Tim Burton directed that as well. Corpse Bride, another stop-motion animated feature by Tim Burton, was one of the movies previewed. It looks great and goes directly onto my "Must see..." list. Do you remember Nightmare Before Christmas? Not for every taste, but I loved it.

A Great Start of the Week

Happy at the end of the day. I lit a couple of candles and have a glass of red wine to set the mood while I type this update. I exercised yesterday and today, so I’m on track for my goal of 5 days of exercise this week. I finished my resume and cover letter, making the changes that the Work Source counselor suggested. I updated my online resumes at Careerbuilder and Monster.com. They hadn’t been touched since October 2003. Yesterday I applied for unemployment. It took about 15 minutes on the phone. For some reason I was dreading it, but it wasn’t bad at all. I have also been praying and reading the Bible like I should. I started the book of Ezekiel, which I don’t believe that I’ve ever read through. Only about 7 years ago did I start appreciating the Old Testament. Before that I thought it was old, dusty, violent and unpleasant history. What made me change my mind? I started reading it regularly. (Yes, novel idea, I know.) I had a One Year Bible, which gives you readings each day from the Old Testament, a Psalm, a few verses from Proverbs, and the New Testament. Reading it this way helped me appreciate how common themes are woven so intricately through the whole Bible. The New Testament also quotes and refers directly to the Old Testament fairly regularly. There are reading plans that you can get online and follow. Verse of the Day has several plans outlined, each organized differently. For example chronological or by literary style (poetry, prophecy, history, letters). The cat has gained another 3 ounces. Mom weighed her yesterday.

Sunday Drive

Today was a really beautiful summer day. We've been having a heat wave for the last week, except for Friday when it was very rainy. A heat wave for Washingtonians, that is. The highs have been in the 80's (Fahrenheit) and we all think we are melting. Dad proposed a leisurely afternoon drive, so we went toward Mt. Ranier through some of the little towns in the valley. We stopped in Wilkeson and had delicious ice cream at a cafe/ice cream shop in the town center.

Wilkeson Town Center 

What's Really My First Task?

To do this week:

1. Apply for unemployment (I’ve never done this before and I’ve been putting it off. But I do need the money. Suck it up and do it.)

2. Search for job listings online.

3. Rework my resume in a functional style.

4. Think about creative ideas for job/career directions.

5. Exercise 5 days.

6. Apply for at least 3 jobs.

Most importantly, pray before I do all of these things. None of the things I need to figure out and changes that I need to make (exercise, eating healthy, career, etc.) are going to happen if I don’t pray. Recently, however, I’ve been making excuses not to pray. Chores, activities, writing, surfing the Internet. I am going to make sure I do first things first, and that means not cutting prayer and Bible study short. I can do all things through God, but without him everything I do is worthless.

John 15:4
"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me."

Oh, someone directed me to this site regarding the Palm Pictures. Evidently it is a production and distribution company that has been around for a while.

New Movie Feature at Comcast OnDemand!

Today was the last day of Serengeti Trek. It was a great week with the kids. If I have the time next summer, I'll do it again.

I am so excited about something that I discovered last night. There is a new feature in the OnDemand section of Comcast digital cable. It is in the Free Movie section, called Palm Pictures. I am guessing that they want to associate by name with the "Palm D'Or" of the Cannes festival. It is a film festival hosted on cable TV, featuring independent, foreign, and short films. Viewers can vote for favorite movies and they claim it can affect decisions to release some of these films in the theaters or on DVD. Sounds kind of cool. I checked out what movies were there and found a good Korean film, JSA (Joint Security Area). It is a murder mystery/political thriller set at the DMZ. I hope that I can get my dad and brother-in-law to watch it with me. Anyone who may read this and have access to OnDemand, I highly recommend this movie. It was a huge blockbuster in Korea when it came out in the late 90's. The story is tense and dramatic. Dealing with North and South, it could easily have fallen into simplistic cardboard characters, but the main characters are complex and compelling.

Today has been busy. The only thing I haven't done in the past three days is to take any action about my job search. I need to get that new resume done and scour the 'net for good jobs. I also need to make calls and do research about the kind of job and career I really want. I actually wish that I could find a good work-at-home opportunity that wasn't sales or a scam.

Live to Eat

My family likes food. I enjoy eating good food. While I'm not an especially picky eater, I do feel that life is too short to waste time eating boring or unappetizing food. I am not talking about eating fancy all the time. I like a wide variety of foods. There are two fast food items that I can't resist. One is a Frugals' bacon and swiss burger (they use thick-sliced smoky bacon and real swiss cheese, not processed cheese). The other is a jumbo sized burrito with quacamole, sour cream and everything else from Taco Del Mar. Mom and I watch the Food Network sometimes. We especially like 30 Minute Meals and Food 911. We've also seen random episodes of some other series, like Calorie Comando, Paula's Home Cooking and Everyday Italian. We have tried some recipes and gotten ideas for tweaking familar dishes. I found the only chili recipe that I will ever use again on Calorie Comando (Turkey Sausage Chili). Be careful with the chipotle chilies in adobo sauce, though. We cut those in half and it was still very hot. I like heat, but in moderation. A couple of weeks ago Mom surprised Dad by making Tyler's chicken satay recipe from a Food 911 episode. It was delicious and very easy to make. Here are some of the recipes I've printed out and haven't tried yet.

* Coconut Shrimp with Red Curry Sauce (Food 911, same episode as the satay)
* Spaghetti and Meatballs (Food 911, the meatballs are stuffed with fresh mozzarella)
* Grilled T-Bone with Chipotle Chili Rub and Cilantro-Lime Compound Butter (30 Minute Meals)
* Chicken in Tarragon Cream Sauce, White and Wild Rice with Walnuts (30 Minute Meals)
* Stuffed Baby Eggplant (Food 911)
* Ottoman Empire Yogurt Soup (Food 911, same episode as the eggplant)
* Pan Seared Salmon with Sour Cream and Dill (Food 911)

If you want any of these recipes, they are at the Food Network website. There is a very handy "find an episode"search where you choose the title of the show and can type in topic words, like "Thai", or "eggplant".

The Cat Came Back

Selfish me. I put the cat down so that I could type. Ahhh, she still has claws on her back paws. They were digging into my shoulder; she just leapt up and is settling down again across my arms. Her fascination with computers started at the neighbors' house. He wrote his whole master's thesis with Scruffy draped over his arms. She is indeed a well-educated and most helpful cat. I don't, however, recommend her as a typist. She will not take no for an answer, but what respectable cat would? That was before the cat sharing arrangement started, about 3 years ago.

You see, originally, Scruffy was owned by other neighbors down the street. They moved and she stayed behind (lost or abandoned, who knows?) She camped on the doorstep of our neighbors' house in the middle of winter. Our neighbor doesn't like cats at all, but she couldn't leave a forlorn little beast to die in the cold. Scruffy stayed there and the husband became quite fond of her. He was home a lot studying and writing and they bonded at the computer. After some time she was banned from the neighbors' house and allowed only in their garage. Why would they do that? It is a long story, but the short version is that Scruffy had an accident on the rug and you don't want to mess with that woman's house, ever. About that time, Mom was asked to feed Scruffy while the neighbors were away on a trip. She loves cats and has actually wanted to have one for years, but my dad refuses. He swore when our last pet passed that there would be no more. While she was pet-sitting, she would bring Scruffy to our house and let her sit in her lap and cuddle for a while every day. Ever since then, Scruffy has become a regular visitor at our house. She is quite elderly and recently has been ill. Mom and the neighbors took her to the vet. She is slowly gaining weight. Mom weighed her again on Monday and she was 5 lbs. 3 ounces. You can't tell by her behavior that she was ever sick. In fact, my Dad even said, "Look at her run!" as she jauntily jogged into the kitchen for a drink of water. My brother-in-law is working on his class work. Maybe she will help him, too.

I took a survey for a study of blogging and bloggers. You can participate if you have a blog. It didn't take too long.

At the Close of the Day

I’m happily tired. Satisfactorily busy. The Vacation Bible School is so much fun, even more than I expected. I actually didn’t know quite what to expect, since I’ve never participated in it, except when I attended as a child.

I had that appointment with the job counselor at Work Source this afternoon. She had some excellent advice about my resume and cover letter. I am going to make a functional style resume that focuses on my skills and what I have done at my jobs. She also told me that my cover letter was way too detailed and told me what to cut out of it. I'll be working on that.

Mom and I exercised today for the first time in 5 days. We are not going to quit!

It has been fun to spend some time hanging out with my brother-in-law. We watched Billy Elliot last night. I haven’t seen him in three years. I only met him for the first time 3 days before my sister’s wedding in April 2000. They met online and had a long-distance relationship. I was also in Massachusetts at the time, so I didn’t see my sister much during her engagement, either. But my family embraced him very quickly. He has a great, off-beat sense of humor that fits in well with all of us. He is also is head and shoulders above anyone else that my sister ever dated. He treats her well. He gives her pedicures, manicures, cooks, and encourages her. He helps her stay focused and motivated on her goals for her health and career. I am not sure exactly how much weight she has lost in the last year-and-a-half, but it is close to 100. She is gaining her health and her confidence. They also support each other spiritually, reminding each other to pray through all difficulties and to gain strength from reading and studying the Bible. I know it is hard for her waiting back in Oklahoma until he has a job here. I know that both of them will do what it takes to make sure that she comes here to Washington before too long. He estimates a couple of months.

Snake River 

He's Here!

My brother-in-law is here. He arrived early this morning at the end of a marathon drive from Oklahoma. He shared some of his road pictures with me.

It has been a busy day. I went to church and then we had to decorate the sanctuary, fellowship hall, and the foyer for the Serengeti Trek VBS program. Didn't make the special surprise recipe today, so that will wait for another time. We went to Ruby Tuesday instead. I love their Buffalo tenders.

Improve your writing? Practice, practice, practice...

I don’t know what to write about. I have made several false starts and can’t get anywhere. What do you do when you have a block? I wanted to read a story for an audio entry, but that didn’t go well. There is a time limit for the audioblogger entries and the story was too long. I thought I'd just record it in two parts, but it was still not easy. I kept starting again because I would make a mistake or want another chance to improve my storytelling performance. Twice I was interrupted in the middle of recording. Finally I gave up. I was being called to dinner: special deli hotdogs, potato salad, and baked beans. No frills, but satisfying summer fare. I thought about posting a list or a series of lists. I’ve seen it done before. But I could not think of anything more exciting than “My Favorite Movies”. I started a “To Do:” list. I didn’t want to do anything.

164 words. This entry wouldn’t even count for 100 words. I found this project a long time ago and thought it was a great concept. If you like writing, you might even participate and find it an interesting experiment. How much can you say in 100 words?

Who needs sleep?

Last night I got sucked into BlogExplosion and stayed up all night. How strange that just yesterday I reminisced about a time years ago when I didn’t sleep. Only this time I didn’t stand up a friend. I stood up my Mom because she wanted get an early start on doing some work around the house. At least we did eventually get a decent amount of work done today. I really didn’t intend not to sleep. What happened was that I decided to join this promotion site and then I was surfing all these blogs all night. Yes, I was also earning points that mean other people are surfing my blog. I admit it, I do want people to read what I’m writing here. I do put some effort into it, after all. BlogExplosion certainly can help expose your site. It is kind of an exchange system where you login and surf other member blogs and other members will visit your site. Those points translate directly to hits. I found some really interesting sites written by other people that I am definitely going to return to. Hours flew by; before I knew it, Dad walked through the computer area on his way out the door to work. “Good morning, you’re up early”, he said with surprise. He usually leaves at 5:30 AM. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been awake to greet him in the morning. I usually wake up between 9:00 and 9:30 AM. Today I went to bed around 6:00 AM and woke up at 11:00 AM. Can't get away with that tonight, though. I am going to a Walk To Emmaus community celebration and picnic lunch in Marysville. The festivities will start at 9:00 AM.

The purging continues. Today more surprises unearthed in the form of a bag full of books, a lot of them old favorites. It was a mixture of children’s books, which I like to collect, Christian reference books, a biography of J.R.R. Tolkein, and a couple of classic novels. Here is a list of some of the titles I was so pleased to find.

Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (A classic alegory of Christian life.)
Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl (I was riveted when my elementary school teacher read this beautiful father and son adventure and survival tale aloud to us.)
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan (I read this aloud to my 3rd grade class as a student teacher. It is the only good memory I have of student teaching.)
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (What can I say? I think this is his best work.)
A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm by Phillip Keller (A delightful meditation on the most familiar Psalm which makes it new all over again.)

Flotsam and Jetsam Surface from the Past

News about the cat. We weighed her and she was 5 lbs. on our scale. She has more energy and is definitely acting like she feels better. She was extremely clingy for a few days. Mom called her “Velcro kitty”. She has always liked to sit in your lap or in front of the keyboard when you are at the computer. These days she will definitely not leave you alone if you are on the computer. When I’m at my laptop there is no room on the desk and the touch pad is directly in front of the keyboard, so she can’t sit there. Instead she drapes herself across my arms and makes it very hard to type. She isn’t here now, or I couldn’t type an entry. We are very happy that she is recovering.

I finished my full resume on the state site so I can take tests online and apply for jobs with Washington State. It took a long time to finish because I couldn’t just cut and paste from my resume file. They also wanted complete address information for every job in my employment history. I had to dig in a file to get addresses for my oldest jobs.

Mom and I spent some time today preparing a room for my brother-in-law who will arrive sometime late on Saturday evening. He is driving from Oklahoma. We want to make sure he is comfortable and feels welcome. I suggested a special recipe that we should prepare on Sunday to celebrate his arrival. It’s one we saw on Food 911. I want it so be a surprise, so I can’t say what it is. My sister reads my journal and I am sure that he also has the address.

We are also purging some stuff and preparing a donation for a charity that will come to our house next week. We have purged a lot of stuff since I returned in 2003. There is still more to go. I thought that since I have been moving at least every 3 years all of my adult life, which forces regular purges of extra belongings, that I didn’t have much flotsam and jetsam cluttering my life. As I have helped my mom purge, I have also gone through my own stuff and it is surprising what I have managed to keep. Since coming home, I’ve gone through several boxes of stuff from college and even earlier, like digging through archeological layers. Of course this older stuff was left behind at my parent’s home while I was traipsing all around. It is only fair that now I help Mom sort stuff out and get her house back. Some fossils found in the strata: two grade reports from middle school, my SAT score record, and judges’ evaluation sheets from the district solo voice contest from each year of high school (83-87).

Today in the spare room I stumbled upon a small stash of cards, letters, and assorted papers from my first two years of college. The only thing I am keeping is a beautiful card from my grandmother with a note with news about what she had been doing that week, just to keep in touch. I also found several letters from one of my few good friends that I had in high school. I was not social and had very few friends then. Unfortunately, we didn’t keep in touch after the first year of college because I accidentally stood her up when were both home for Christmas break. I had stayed up really late the night before (I sometimes had insomnia back then) and slept until noon or so the next day. We were supposed to meet at 9:00 AM or something like that. I called her and left an apology on the answering machine. I called her several times, but she would not return any of my calls. I wrote to her, too. She never accepted my apology. I paused, thinking for a minute about keeping them, before I put her letters in the bag of paper for recycling. I hadn’t thought about her in years. I wonder where she is. I hope she is well and happy. I suppose I should go to my next high school reunion and see if she is there. Oooh, maybe not. I can’t imagine enjoying the “haven’t I been wonderfully successful and look how cool I still am” competition with all the people who were little more than strangers to me even back then.

Happy Endorphines

"Exercise gives you endorphines, endorphines make you happy, happy people just don't shoot their husbands....they just don't." - Legally Blonde.

This movie was on TBS or TNT or whatever last night and I had it on in the background while I was on the computer doing my journal and wandering around the Internet. I thought this was an amusing quote and a good start for today's entry since it ties in with today's main subject. Mom and I have continued our exercising. We have skipped a few times and we still don't do it every day, but we both feel good to have a start and encourage each other to keep it up. Soon I'll start doing the pilates work out and alternate days. I believe that 4 days a week of cardio should be the minimum. I'll have to check out some exercise information to make sure. 5 days of cardio would be best, I think. Some days I may want to do both and other days I can just do pilates. Pilates is good for strenth, balance, and toning. Toning helps you burn more calories all day long, no matter what you're doing. Mom can really tell the difference when she exercises because her back doesn't hurt. Of course, for so long a sore back was a good excuse for not exercising. Now it is clear that the exercise is vital to keep her back strong and stop pain from robbing her of activity and quality of life. I'm so pleased for her. I know it is helping me, too, althought the results aren't so noticeable yet. I am conerned about my heart and my blood pressure, though. I know that at my last check up two years ago my blood pressure was not good. My heart rate could be lower in general. That is a sign of poor cardio conditioning. I try and be very careful when I exercise not to push myself too hard and overstrain my heart. I watch my breathing and listen carefully to how my body feels. I know it would be best to monitor these things with regular checks, but I don't have any insurance.

I am going to put my resume on the Washington State employment site so I can look for and apply for state jobs. I'm not sure what I expect to find, but the counselor recommended it when I was there almost two weeks ago. I will also call the Work Source office again and see if I can make an appointment. I wonder if she has checked her messages! Wait! - The phone just rang and it was... You genius, how did you guess? She returned my call and I have an appointment for late afternoon on the 19th. She will be out of the office the rest of the week. There are other counselors in the office. I don't want to give the idea that there is no one working at the state employment office. I suppose I could insist on seeing one of the other counselors, but I'm willing to drag my feet for a while. You know I don't enjoy this process. If I don't think I'm getting much accomplished after another meeting or two with her, I may ask to see another counselor. There is also a series of workshops that may have some helpful information and tips on searching and interviewing. I plan to attend those. The next series is the week of the 18th through the 22nd. However, that week is the week of Serenghetti Trek. It is this summer's vacation Bible school program at my church. I volunteered to be an assistant teacher. The registration for those is already full, anyway.

Fear or Faith?

What is the scariest thing about being single? For me it is one thing; the thought of being elderly, ill, destitute, and all alone. Of course, this can happen to widows and widowers as well. My grandmother was widowed in late middle-age and lived almost 4 decades as a widow. She never married again. But she was never ill, destitute, and all alone. Quite the contrary, she was always close to friends and family. But if you are single and never have any children, what family do you have when you are in your advanced years? If you get sick and have no money or any family around you, what can you do? You are utterly alone, forgotten, forlorn, and desperate. The desire for security leads me to seek for something to trust in this world. But God is ultimately the provider of all good things. He knows every need we have. God is able to provide finances, help and friends. He already has in other situations. Why would that change in the future? It also discounts the power of friendship. As long as I remain social and nurture healthy friendships, I don’t need to fear being forgotten and abandoned. Even if that did happen, God would stay constantly near me in my suffering until it was time to welcome me home to the place that he has been preparing for me. He promised, “Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me… I go to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:1-3). That is what Jesus told the disciples and it is true for all those who believe in him. So whether I marry eventually or not, it does not change the source of my security. There is no reason to fear. He also promised, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11).

There is someone I occasionally see who gets on my nerves. Mostly because he reminds me of what the culture of the American Dream values most and how it measures people. His conversation is mostly like this, “Steve Foster has done really well. He’s made a lot of money in Real Estate. He sold a 2 million dollar house on Lake Washington to one of the Seahawk players. He married Jill, one of the Meyer girls from the old neighborhood. They travel to Europe every year and take cruises. They have 3 great kids who have great jobs and make a very good living. The oldest just got married and her husband is a doctor. They bought their first house for over 700,000 dollars. They can afford it.” (names changed to protect the innocent. Ha Ha.) It is all about how much money people’s houses cost, having a great career, earning a high salary to pay for the house, and associating with well known people. He loves to drop names. It makes me nuts to listen to him for too long. I admit that it wouldn’t make me quite so frustrated if I had any of those things. It feeds into the part of me that still would like to have some security and to feel recognition and approval from the world around me. But I can’t buy into those values as the real measure of my worth as a person. I need to be more like another person I saw today. She is a feisty rebel and has never apologized for who she is. She has gone against the grain and led an unconventional life. She raised her children as a single mother when there were very few single parents. She worked in a male dominated career and provided successfully for her family. She is strong-willed, brash, funny, courageous. She is a risk-taker.

The Lady Washington