I don’t know what to write about. I have made several false starts and can’t get anywhere. What do you do when you have a block? I wanted to read a story for an audio entry, but that didn’t go well. There is a time limit for the audioblogger entries and the story was too long. I thought I'd just record it in two parts, but it was still not easy. I kept starting again because I would make a mistake or want another chance to improve my storytelling performance. Twice I was interrupted in the middle of recording. Finally I gave up. I was being called to dinner: special deli hotdogs, potato salad, and baked beans. No frills, but satisfying summer fare. I thought about posting a list or a series of lists. I’ve seen it done before. But I could not think of anything more exciting than “My Favorite Movies”. I started a “To Do:” list. I didn’t want to do anything.
164 words. This entry wouldn’t even count for 100 words. I found this project a long time ago and thought it was a great concept. If you like writing, you might even participate and find it an interesting experiment. How much can you say in 100 words?
July 15, 2005
Who needs sleep?
Last night I got sucked into BlogExplosion and stayed up all night. How strange that just yesterday I reminisced about a time years ago when I didn’t sleep. Only this time I didn’t stand up a friend. I stood up my Mom because she wanted get an early start on doing some work around the house. At least we did eventually get a decent amount of work done today. I really didn’t intend not to sleep. What happened was that I decided to join this promotion site and then I was surfing all these blogs all night. Yes, I was also earning points that mean other people are surfing my blog. I admit it, I do want people to read what I’m writing here. I do put some effort into it, after all. BlogExplosion certainly can help expose your site. It is kind of an exchange system where you login and surf other member blogs and other members will visit your site. Those points translate directly to hits. I found some really interesting sites written by other people that I am definitely going to return to. Hours flew by; before I knew it, Dad walked through the computer area on his way out the door to work. “Good morning, you’re up early”, he said with surprise. He usually leaves at 5:30 AM. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been awake to greet him in the morning. I usually wake up between 9:00 and 9:30 AM. Today I went to bed around 6:00 AM and woke up at 11:00 AM. Can't get away with that tonight, though. I am going to a Walk To Emmaus community celebration and picnic lunch in Marysville. The festivities will start at 9:00 AM.
The purging continues. Today more surprises unearthed in the form of a bag full of books, a lot of them old favorites. It was a mixture of children’s books, which I like to collect, Christian reference books, a biography of J.R.R. Tolkein, and a couple of classic novels. Here is a list of some of the titles I was so pleased to find.
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (A classic alegory of Christian life.)
Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl (I was riveted when my elementary school teacher read this beautiful father and son adventure and survival tale aloud to us.)
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan (I read this aloud to my 3rd grade class as a student teacher. It is the only good memory I have of student teaching.)
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (What can I say? I think this is his best work.)
A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm by Phillip Keller (A delightful meditation on the most familiar Psalm which makes it new all over again.)
The purging continues. Today more surprises unearthed in the form of a bag full of books, a lot of them old favorites. It was a mixture of children’s books, which I like to collect, Christian reference books, a biography of J.R.R. Tolkein, and a couple of classic novels. Here is a list of some of the titles I was so pleased to find.
Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard (A classic alegory of Christian life.)
Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl (I was riveted when my elementary school teacher read this beautiful father and son adventure and survival tale aloud to us.)
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan (I read this aloud to my 3rd grade class as a student teacher. It is the only good memory I have of student teaching.)
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (What can I say? I think this is his best work.)
A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm by Phillip Keller (A delightful meditation on the most familiar Psalm which makes it new all over again.)
July 14, 2005
Flotsam and Jetsam Surface from the Past
News about the cat. We weighed her and she was 5 lbs. on our scale. She has more energy and is definitely acting like she feels better. She was extremely clingy for a few days. Mom called her “Velcro kitty”. She has always liked to sit in your lap or in front of the keyboard when you are at the computer. These days she will definitely not leave you alone if you are on the computer. When I’m at my laptop there is no room on the desk and the touch pad is directly in front of the keyboard, so she can’t sit there. Instead she drapes herself across my arms and makes it very hard to type. She isn’t here now, or I couldn’t type an entry. We are very happy that she is recovering.
I finished my full resume on the state site so I can take tests online and apply for jobs with Washington State. It took a long time to finish because I couldn’t just cut and paste from my resume file. They also wanted complete address information for every job in my employment history. I had to dig in a file to get addresses for my oldest jobs.
Mom and I spent some time today preparing a room for my brother-in-law who will arrive sometime late on Saturday evening. He is driving from Oklahoma. We want to make sure he is comfortable and feels welcome. I suggested a special recipe that we should prepare on Sunday to celebrate his arrival. It’s one we saw on Food 911. I want it so be a surprise, so I can’t say what it is. My sister reads my journal and I am sure that he also has the address.
We are also purging some stuff and preparing a donation for a charity that will come to our house next week. We have purged a lot of stuff since I returned in 2003. There is still more to go. I thought that since I have been moving at least every 3 years all of my adult life, which forces regular purges of extra belongings, that I didn’t have much flotsam and jetsam cluttering my life. As I have helped my mom purge, I have also gone through my own stuff and it is surprising what I have managed to keep. Since coming home, I’ve gone through several boxes of stuff from college and even earlier, like digging through archeological layers. Of course this older stuff was left behind at my parent’s home while I was traipsing all around. It is only fair that now I help Mom sort stuff out and get her house back. Some fossils found in the strata: two grade reports from middle school, my SAT score record, and judges’ evaluation sheets from the district solo voice contest from each year of high school (83-87).
Today in the spare room I stumbled upon a small stash of cards, letters, and assorted papers from my first two years of college. The only thing I am keeping is a beautiful card from my grandmother with a note with news about what she had been doing that week, just to keep in touch. I also found several letters from one of my few good friends that I had in high school. I was not social and had very few friends then. Unfortunately, we didn’t keep in touch after the first year of college because I accidentally stood her up when were both home for Christmas break. I had stayed up really late the night before (I sometimes had insomnia back then) and slept until noon or so the next day. We were supposed to meet at 9:00 AM or something like that. I called her and left an apology on the answering machine. I called her several times, but she would not return any of my calls. I wrote to her, too. She never accepted my apology. I paused, thinking for a minute about keeping them, before I put her letters in the bag of paper for recycling. I hadn’t thought about her in years. I wonder where she is. I hope she is well and happy. I suppose I should go to my next high school reunion and see if she is there. Oooh, maybe not. I can’t imagine enjoying the “haven’t I been wonderfully successful and look how cool I still am” competition with all the people who were little more than strangers to me even back then.
I finished my full resume on the state site so I can take tests online and apply for jobs with Washington State. It took a long time to finish because I couldn’t just cut and paste from my resume file. They also wanted complete address information for every job in my employment history. I had to dig in a file to get addresses for my oldest jobs.
Mom and I spent some time today preparing a room for my brother-in-law who will arrive sometime late on Saturday evening. He is driving from Oklahoma. We want to make sure he is comfortable and feels welcome. I suggested a special recipe that we should prepare on Sunday to celebrate his arrival. It’s one we saw on Food 911. I want it so be a surprise, so I can’t say what it is. My sister reads my journal and I am sure that he also has the address.
We are also purging some stuff and preparing a donation for a charity that will come to our house next week. We have purged a lot of stuff since I returned in 2003. There is still more to go. I thought that since I have been moving at least every 3 years all of my adult life, which forces regular purges of extra belongings, that I didn’t have much flotsam and jetsam cluttering my life. As I have helped my mom purge, I have also gone through my own stuff and it is surprising what I have managed to keep. Since coming home, I’ve gone through several boxes of stuff from college and even earlier, like digging through archeological layers. Of course this older stuff was left behind at my parent’s home while I was traipsing all around. It is only fair that now I help Mom sort stuff out and get her house back. Some fossils found in the strata: two grade reports from middle school, my SAT score record, and judges’ evaluation sheets from the district solo voice contest from each year of high school (83-87).
Today in the spare room I stumbled upon a small stash of cards, letters, and assorted papers from my first two years of college. The only thing I am keeping is a beautiful card from my grandmother with a note with news about what she had been doing that week, just to keep in touch. I also found several letters from one of my few good friends that I had in high school. I was not social and had very few friends then. Unfortunately, we didn’t keep in touch after the first year of college because I accidentally stood her up when were both home for Christmas break. I had stayed up really late the night before (I sometimes had insomnia back then) and slept until noon or so the next day. We were supposed to meet at 9:00 AM or something like that. I called her and left an apology on the answering machine. I called her several times, but she would not return any of my calls. I wrote to her, too. She never accepted my apology. I paused, thinking for a minute about keeping them, before I put her letters in the bag of paper for recycling. I hadn’t thought about her in years. I wonder where she is. I hope she is well and happy. I suppose I should go to my next high school reunion and see if she is there. Oooh, maybe not. I can’t imagine enjoying the “haven’t I been wonderfully successful and look how cool I still am” competition with all the people who were little more than strangers to me even back then.
July 11, 2005
Happy Endorphines
"Exercise gives you endorphines, endorphines make you happy, happy people just don't shoot their husbands....they just don't." - Legally Blonde.
This movie was on TBS or TNT or whatever last night and I had it on in the background while I was on the computer doing my journal and wandering around the Internet. I thought this was an amusing quote and a good start for today's entry since it ties in with today's main subject. Mom and I have continued our exercising. We have skipped a few times and we still don't do it every day, but we both feel good to have a start and encourage each other to keep it up. Soon I'll start doing the pilates work out and alternate days. I believe that 4 days a week of cardio should be the minimum. I'll have to check out some exercise information to make sure. 5 days of cardio would be best, I think. Some days I may want to do both and other days I can just do pilates. Pilates is good for strenth, balance, and toning. Toning helps you burn more calories all day long, no matter what you're doing. Mom can really tell the difference when she exercises because her back doesn't hurt. Of course, for so long a sore back was a good excuse for not exercising. Now it is clear that the exercise is vital to keep her back strong and stop pain from robbing her of activity and quality of life. I'm so pleased for her. I know it is helping me, too, althought the results aren't so noticeable yet. I am conerned about my heart and my blood pressure, though. I know that at my last check up two years ago my blood pressure was not good. My heart rate could be lower in general. That is a sign of poor cardio conditioning. I try and be very careful when I exercise not to push myself too hard and overstrain my heart. I watch my breathing and listen carefully to how my body feels. I know it would be best to monitor these things with regular checks, but I don't have any insurance.
I am going to put my resume on the Washington State employment site so I can look for and apply for state jobs. I'm not sure what I expect to find, but the counselor recommended it when I was there almost two weeks ago. I will also call the Work Source office again and see if I can make an appointment. I wonder if she has checked her messages! Wait! - The phone just rang and it was... You genius, how did you guess? She returned my call and I have an appointment for late afternoon on the 19th. She will be out of the office the rest of the week. There are other counselors in the office. I don't want to give the idea that there is no one working at the state employment office. I suppose I could insist on seeing one of the other counselors, but I'm willing to drag my feet for a while. You know I don't enjoy this process. If I don't think I'm getting much accomplished after another meeting or two with her, I may ask to see another counselor. There is also a series of workshops that may have some helpful information and tips on searching and interviewing. I plan to attend those. The next series is the week of the 18th through the 22nd. However, that week is the week of Serenghetti Trek. It is this summer's vacation Bible school program at my church. I volunteered to be an assistant teacher. The registration for those is already full, anyway.
This movie was on TBS or TNT or whatever last night and I had it on in the background while I was on the computer doing my journal and wandering around the Internet. I thought this was an amusing quote and a good start for today's entry since it ties in with today's main subject. Mom and I have continued our exercising. We have skipped a few times and we still don't do it every day, but we both feel good to have a start and encourage each other to keep it up. Soon I'll start doing the pilates work out and alternate days. I believe that 4 days a week of cardio should be the minimum. I'll have to check out some exercise information to make sure. 5 days of cardio would be best, I think. Some days I may want to do both and other days I can just do pilates. Pilates is good for strenth, balance, and toning. Toning helps you burn more calories all day long, no matter what you're doing. Mom can really tell the difference when she exercises because her back doesn't hurt. Of course, for so long a sore back was a good excuse for not exercising. Now it is clear that the exercise is vital to keep her back strong and stop pain from robbing her of activity and quality of life. I'm so pleased for her. I know it is helping me, too, althought the results aren't so noticeable yet. I am conerned about my heart and my blood pressure, though. I know that at my last check up two years ago my blood pressure was not good. My heart rate could be lower in general. That is a sign of poor cardio conditioning. I try and be very careful when I exercise not to push myself too hard and overstrain my heart. I watch my breathing and listen carefully to how my body feels. I know it would be best to monitor these things with regular checks, but I don't have any insurance.
I am going to put my resume on the Washington State employment site so I can look for and apply for state jobs. I'm not sure what I expect to find, but the counselor recommended it when I was there almost two weeks ago. I will also call the Work Source office again and see if I can make an appointment. I wonder if she has checked her messages! Wait! - The phone just rang and it was... You genius, how did you guess? She returned my call and I have an appointment for late afternoon on the 19th. She will be out of the office the rest of the week. There are other counselors in the office. I don't want to give the idea that there is no one working at the state employment office. I suppose I could insist on seeing one of the other counselors, but I'm willing to drag my feet for a while. You know I don't enjoy this process. If I don't think I'm getting much accomplished after another meeting or two with her, I may ask to see another counselor. There is also a series of workshops that may have some helpful information and tips on searching and interviewing. I plan to attend those. The next series is the week of the 18th through the 22nd. However, that week is the week of Serenghetti Trek. It is this summer's vacation Bible school program at my church. I volunteered to be an assistant teacher. The registration for those is already full, anyway.
July 10, 2005
Fear or Faith?
What is the scariest thing about being single? For me it is one thing; the thought of being elderly, ill, destitute, and all alone. Of course, this can happen to widows and widowers as well. My grandmother was widowed in late middle-age and lived almost 4 decades as a widow. She never married again. But she was never ill, destitute, and all alone. Quite the contrary, she was always close to friends and family. But if you are single and never have any children, what family do you have when you are in your advanced years? If you get sick and have no money or any family around you, what can you do? You are utterly alone, forgotten, forlorn, and desperate. The desire for security leads me to seek for something to trust in this world. But God is ultimately the provider of all good things. He knows every need we have. God is able to provide finances, help and friends. He already has in other situations. Why would that change in the future? It also discounts the power of friendship. As long as I remain social and nurture healthy friendships, I don’t need to fear being forgotten and abandoned. Even if that did happen, God would stay constantly near me in my suffering until it was time to welcome me home to the place that he has been preparing for me. He promised, “Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me… I go to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:1-3). That is what Jesus told the disciples and it is true for all those who believe in him. So whether I marry eventually or not, it does not change the source of my security. There is no reason to fear. He also promised, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11).
There is someone I occasionally see who gets on my nerves. Mostly because he reminds me of what the culture of the American Dream values most and how it measures people. His conversation is mostly like this, “Steve Foster has done really well. He’s made a lot of money in Real Estate. He sold a 2 million dollar house on Lake Washington to one of the Seahawk players. He married Jill, one of the Meyer girls from the old neighborhood. They travel to Europe every year and take cruises. They have 3 great kids who have great jobs and make a very good living. The oldest just got married and her husband is a doctor. They bought their first house for over 700,000 dollars. They can afford it.” (names changed to protect the innocent. Ha Ha.) It is all about how much money people’s houses cost, having a great career, earning a high salary to pay for the house, and associating with well known people. He loves to drop names. It makes me nuts to listen to him for too long. I admit that it wouldn’t make me quite so frustrated if I had any of those things. It feeds into the part of me that still would like to have some security and to feel recognition and approval from the world around me. But I can’t buy into those values as the real measure of my worth as a person. I need to be more like another person I saw today. She is a feisty rebel and has never apologized for who she is. She has gone against the grain and led an unconventional life. She raised her children as a single mother when there were very few single parents. She worked in a male dominated career and provided successfully for her family. She is strong-willed, brash, funny, courageous. She is a risk-taker.
There is someone I occasionally see who gets on my nerves. Mostly because he reminds me of what the culture of the American Dream values most and how it measures people. His conversation is mostly like this, “Steve Foster has done really well. He’s made a lot of money in Real Estate. He sold a 2 million dollar house on Lake Washington to one of the Seahawk players. He married Jill, one of the Meyer girls from the old neighborhood. They travel to Europe every year and take cruises. They have 3 great kids who have great jobs and make a very good living. The oldest just got married and her husband is a doctor. They bought their first house for over 700,000 dollars. They can afford it.” (names changed to protect the innocent. Ha Ha.) It is all about how much money people’s houses cost, having a great career, earning a high salary to pay for the house, and associating with well known people. He loves to drop names. It makes me nuts to listen to him for too long. I admit that it wouldn’t make me quite so frustrated if I had any of those things. It feeds into the part of me that still would like to have some security and to feel recognition and approval from the world around me. But I can’t buy into those values as the real measure of my worth as a person. I need to be more like another person I saw today. She is a feisty rebel and has never apologized for who she is. She has gone against the grain and led an unconventional life. She raised her children as a single mother when there were very few single parents. She worked in a male dominated career and provided successfully for her family. She is strong-willed, brash, funny, courageous. She is a risk-taker.
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